


Fiat

by Jayne L (JayneL)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-16
Updated: 2011-11-16
Packaged: 2017-10-26 03:29:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/278155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayneL/pseuds/Jayne%20L
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>I cannot stammer thunder in your sky<br/>Or flash white phrases there. I have no terse<br/>Exploding passion</em><br/>--From 'Fiat' by Norman MacCaig</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fiat

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Multifandom Poetry Prompts fest. Spoilery through 7.01.

Castiel's mistake, he thinks, was not in sacrificing everything for Dean, but rather in laying his sacrifices, explicitly, at Dean's feet.

 _"I did it--all of it--for you."_

He hadn't intended to make a tribute of his actions, much less his losses; they were born of his hard-won choices, his to own, his to bear. He had only meant to impress upon Dean the necessities of the moment--that there were now things expected of _Dean_ that could not be denied by virtue of his refusal of Heaven's agenda.

In retrospect, he sees how Dean could have misunderstood.

* * *

The Winchesters fight for humanity as if it's all they have, all they want, all that defines them.

Castiel supposes that's accurate. He, however, fights for God--or, at the least, God's will, because he cannot conceive of any reason for his resurrection aside from God's favour bestowed upon him, God's approbation of his choices. His dedication to his cause is dedication to something external to himself; it cannot approximate the passion of Sam and Dean's self-identification with theirs.

For all that, his commitment to the fight is no less powerful. But he holds something else above the Winchesters' almighty, and that--he is certain--renders even his most devout service a disappointment.

* * *

Once--once only--he and Dean come together in the still, humid darkness of a dusty motel room. Dean kisses him as if it is a sacred act, and Castiel accepts it as such; it's not, he knows, how Dean kisses others. The way Dean touches him, something unsure and yearning in the blunt dig of his fingertips into Castiel's skin, is not the way he touches women, is not even the way he touched Anna. Castiel doesn't know whether the difference is due to who he is or what he is, but his body responds as if it doesn't matter, and so does Dean's, and so, he thinks, perhaps it truly doesn't.

After, Dean rolls away from him and stares up at the dingy ceiling. He thinks loudly of Michael and Lucifer and Raphael's drooling vessel until Castiel, unable to quiet Dean's mind with the kisses of his mouth, touches two sure fingers to his temple and wills him to dreamless sleep.

A week later, in another over-warm motel room, Dean reaches for him again, now less unsure. Castiel spreads his wings and is in Ethiopia, surrounded by the worn stonework and vaulted ceilings of Iyasu's Palace, before Dean's fingertips brush the sleeve of his coat.

God is not there, either.

* * *

Dean has bound Death and cannot understand how fortunate he is in his success. Castiel is certain his newfound godhood extends to dominion over the _state_ of death, but as regards the _entity_ , he can admit to...uncertainty.

He is so preoccupied with other concerns--the politician who accuses others of godlessness while she advocates injustice and bigotry; the pederast hiding behind his priest's collar; the growing clamour from Purgatory's souls and the persistent rotting of his vessel--that he does not fully grasp Dean's motives until the order bites from his teeth: "Call him what you want, just _kill him now!_ "

It's the effort of a thought to break the binding spell, free Death from Dean's will, and prevent his own execution, but that's not the point. The point is the look on Dean's face when Castiel snaps Death's shackles: shock and alarm and dismay writ large, as if the failure of his plan actually came as a surprise.

For a long moment, Castiel cannot look away, transfixed by the sheer presumption.

Even now, Dean expects things of him.


End file.
